Hey Reader,

Have you ever felt like something was your responsibility… even when it wasn’t?

Like you should fix it, respond to it, or carry it… just because someone else expects you to?

This past week, my sister got a message from someone she didn't know, complaining about an issue she had nothing to do with, and saying that she was responsible for helping him because if she didn't help, it meant she was a bad person.

And the thing is that I believe this happens a lot. Some people try to make their problems, other people's problems, when often, it's things they have nothing to do with, about things completely outside their control.

This crazy message made me think about how often we forget what is within our control and what isn't.

• What other people do, whether it's our family or someone sitting down next to us, is usually outside our control.
• What other people think about us, whether they think we're good or bad people, or whether someone thinks we should do something or not, is often outside our control.
• The past mistakes that we or others have already made are outside our control.
• The specific way things will go, and the specific outcomes we'll get from our actions (or other people's actions) are also not completely ours to control.
• The weather, the economy, the traffic, the prices, and how other people feel are all of that is outside your control.

And still...

How we act, how we choose to move forward with the circumstances in our lives, the words we choose to say to ourselves and others, the positive or negative things that we choose to focus on, our boundaries, and how we allow people to treat us (or not), the energy we choose to bring into our life, and the thoughts and beliefs we choose to entertain, all of those are still within our control.

So, when other people try to make you feel a certain way based on their own perception, their judgment, or their reality, remind yourself that it's not your responsibility to fix other people's lives or problems.

And while you cannot control other people's actions or the opinions they have about you, how you move forward, what you focus on, and how you think about and talk to yourself...

That is still within your control, no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

And when in doubt, focus on things that matter to you, the things that you believe are truly important, AND the things that are still within your sphere of control to change or influence.

Sometimes that's all that we can do... And oftentimes, that's more than enough.

Locus of Control

Because I cannot talk about what is yours to control, without talking about your locus of control, let's touch on this topic for a moment.

Whether you believe that your actions and your choices determine the outcomes you get in life, or not, changes how you behave and what you think is possible for your life.

Locus of control is a psychological concept developed by Julian Rotter in 1954 that represents the degree to which you believe you impact the outcomes you get in life.

It's basically a belief system about how you interpret both setbacks and successes, and how you decide to move forward from them.

• People with an Internal Locus of Control: Believe their actions and decisions determine their success or failures, believe that they're responsible for their own lives, leading them to be more proactive and motivated to take action.
• People with an External Locus of Control: Believe that life happens to them, attributing outcomes to outside factors like fate, luck, or other people.

This is a simple reminder that while there are many things outside your control in life, you can still always choose to move forward from a place of agency and responsibility for your own life.

Because, though it may not always feel like it, you do influence and shape the things that happen in your life and how you feel about them.

Co-Creating Your Life

Though I love neuroscience and the psychology behind human behavior, I will be honest with you...

I also love all the woo-woo stuff. I enjoy spirituality, and I like feeling connected to something bigger than me (God, The Universe, The Creator, A Higher Energy, however you want to call it, I'm good with all the names).

And lately, I've been diving more into this concept of co-creating my life.

This belief is that while I cannot control all the things that happen in my life, I can co-create my life along a higher energy that is always supporting me, even when it doesn't always look like it.

It's this feeling of being supported by something bigger than me, even when there's no evidence of it.

It's approaching life from a place of:

• "Life is happening for and through me", instead of "Life is happening to me"....
• "Things are always working out for my highest good", instead of "I don't understand why this is happening to me"...
• "This is going to work out", instead of "I hope this works."

It's making decisions and walking into your days grounded in the belief that you're already supported and backed by life and by something bigger and more powerful than you.

And it's not something you need to earn, it's something you can align to right now, wherever you are in your life.

When you start acting from this space of flowing with life, instead of bracing or forcing things, your energy changes, you stop overthinking everything, and you stop trying to control every outcome.

That's when life starts to move differently, and opportunities feel like they flow naturally into your life.

Drop the Fight

A simple reminder to drop the fight more often and to start assuming that most people have good intentions and that they are doing the best they can with the information and the circumstances they have in their lives.

Source: Interview with Fortune Magazine (2008). Via James Clear's 3-2-1 Newsletter.

P.S. If you have ever felt stuck thinking about something you want to do… but never actually doing it... In this episode, I break down why overthinking happens, how it quietly keeps you stuck in hesitation, procrastination, and self-doubt, and how to start taking action towards your goals (even when you've been stuck for years!). Watch here.​

Love creating your mind one day at a time? Forward this to a friend so they can get in on the action and sign up below. Subscribe to The Created Mind Thank you for reading and sharing, Jenny ​​​​

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